Ingrid's intense life with Borderline and ADHD
Submitted life story of Ingrid on her life with ADHD and Borderline
A long and arduous treatment process for Borderline followed later by a diagnosis of ADHD
Since 1998, I was treated for BPS (Borderline personality disorder). Tons of medication that only made me 'crazier' and I don't know how many hours of treatment further I lost half my family, my relatives and many of my friends. My marriage on the rocks and cried an ocean of tears. Overcame depression and addiction. But always this inner turmoil and chaos in my head. Frenzied connections being made in my head. Never that emptiness people speak of with BPS, just overflowing. Which also causes me to self-harm did (cutting yourself) since I was 11. 'Air holes!' I called it. So I understand how it was diagnosed but never looked further.
After such disappointing treatment, I entered a grievance procedure and demanded a comprehensive investigation once after 14 years of treatment. I got my right and apology from this body. Now it appears that I ADHD have and if that is not treated first, other treatments for any other complaints are of no use. I could sue further in my complaints procedure but have decided for myself that I have already wasted too much time and money.
With a lot of effort, especially in confidence (!), I have partnered with another smaller mental health institution and a world is opening up for me and I see light at the end of the still long tunnel. I am getting handy useful tips to learn to stop and structure myself. I will always have a tendency to ramble on. I know that now. But I am finally being handed some reins! pfhoe! What a relief! And now practice!!! Trying to give the grief for what I lost a place and build a whole new future. It's a new day , it's a new live and I'm feeling ... changing LOL!
I am writing this publicly because I would like to share that it is Ooh So important to stay in control of your own life, even with institutions. And I want to denounce that I find it outrageous that if you are ill and dependent on counselling services, you as a person and your diagnosis are treated in such a lax and facile manner. For instance, for years I thought I was being treated by a psychologist while having 'supportive conversations' with a psychiatric nurse. Hence, she never wanted to go deeper into topics when I asked. I was passive for far too long and underwent my 'treatment'. (What do you want when you are depressed?!)
Unfortunately, no one around me has raised the alarm either.
I have had to struggle through these years together with the children. The children who no doubt also took quite a beating from this. Not to mention the BJZ's intervention, which left sooooo much to be desired. We don't trust any of them, unfortunately. But what doesnt kill you makes you stronger!
What I want to say ...
Cuts in healthcare ????
INVEST!!!
Make care work efficiently!!!
THAT SCREAMS!!!
That's why I do want to butt out if anyone ... even anyone learns anything from it!
Greetings Ingrid
A late response, but you know us adhd'ers huh? An article leads to the following and in the meantime I have started working on privacy statement ;) How nice of you to share your story. After all, I too have just been diagnosed with adhd. And I too was first diagnosed with borderline. Tears all at once because so much misery could have been spared. You get quite a bang when you have a 'personality disorder', in other words there is something wrong with you. Goodbye opportunities, people, and chill things [insert S&Garfunkel- "hello darkness my old friend"].
So thanks for sharing, must have taken some courage. Who knows, one day when you are healed and have energy, you might make a nice amount of money, or not, and leave it behind you with your feet in the sand and your head in the sun. Wonder how t are you doing now? Sun salutation, Laura
Hi I only read your post now.
I get no notification when someone has replied to my post.Things are not going well at the moment.
I wrote in the story that it all had its impact on the children.
Now my adult son also struggles with impulsivity,distractibility and agression.
He has not been doing very well(putting it mildly!) ...but is now on the right path, according to him.
He does not want to acknowledge that he has ADHD /ODD.
Which has been established in the past after psychodiagnostic testing.
His father thinks I am giving him a complex.
I feel powerless because I would like to help him but I know he can only help himself.
Now I have to watch idly as he struggles as I used to.
Not to be done!...leaving my emotion regulation all over the place again.
It never seems to end but I try my best not to think fatalistically.
With the maxim in my head "at the end everything will be fine and if it's not fine it's not the end yet"...but there are days when that attitude is very hard for me.
I have my own life well in hand now.
I am living mindfull and finally getting the hang of that too.
I learnt a lot from gardening and cooking.
Best therapy ever!!!
But how well can it go with a mother whose child is not doing well?
Hope you are doing well and thanks for your sweet comment!
And idd feet in the sand and head in the sun and through!!!
Love!
"Amen"
Is all I can think of to write....
Your story might as well be mine...
Dare nt say it but had to be drugged twice in my own home and, most likely, raped as a result. Although I can't say anything about it, I don't remember. But you don't just stand there full of bruises, in my opinion....
Much grief I have but I am still here. And as the author of "The Davinci Method" aptly says, 'you have found your tribe. You are finally home...', I am egg so na almost grateful for it. I am certainly far nt there yet but n beginning step (which tje is hard) is very m may yet cautious (I have become n bit after more than 2oj experience anyway), taken. So. Phoe, what n sense. Yeah, thats me....
Thank you for sharing your story. Very painful for you but then again how healing for me. Thank you!
Wishing you much strength and courage in your process!
Sorry for the late response.
I hope you've come a long way by now.
When I look back, I do see some gradual improvement.
We do have to be patient , and that s not so easy for us LOL
How good that you dare to share this like this!
Living with Borderline and ADHD, I know all about it.
In addition, I also have panic disorder. Have been to 3 different agencies, and they have finally figured out that it is not depression, but these 3. Used to be very busy and chaotic as a child, but they never diagnosed me with ADHD. I think it would have saved me a lot of drama and misery if this had been known earlier.
But oh well, better late than never.
Yep!
Cook has since been diagnosed with me.
Good luck with your process!
Unfortunately, I am now in the situation of having to choose between admission to a clinic for Borderline behaviour with supportive medication or picking up my life and trying medication for ADD. I have been seen by two doctors. One doctor thinks I have ADD and the other doctor is almost certain it is Borderline. The medication and treatment varies a lot.
What can I do with this?
??
I am 46 years old,in January 47 years young,since the last ten years I know about borderline so personality disorder
since this summer 2016 they have told me I have adhd
now I understand everything
needs to process a lot
feel sad
am mourning the missed opportunities
but I keep fighting
behind that thick muir,there is a big sun
now just grit your teeth ,,,,weeral
and will get better or just a little easier
and then
then you should still say to yourself
BETTER LATE THAN NEVER
yours sincerely katia
Hi Katja, I would love to email with you on this topic. Can I send you a pb?
I would be interested to know which site that is Charly, though.
If you send me a link I can watch m before you post it.
Greetings Ingrid.
Hi,
Interesting piece. I would like to put it on my site. But of course I only want to do that if I get permission. Maybe you would also like to keep a blog on this site?
Greetings Charly
Hi Charly, as far as I am concerned you may share the article but please wait for permission from Ingrid and please do put the link to the source under it ok. Thanks, Regards Jochem
I also heard that statement often in my last period at Mediant.
I don't think we can do anything more for you, was said a few times.
I then looked for a while in the alternative circuit but didn't quite find it either.
And it was not affordable for me.
I did learn a lot about nutrition there and that helps.
now I am at GGZ Max Ernst, a smaller more personal rural institution,and am satisfied so far.
I got my turn quickly and I especially like the ability to do online assignments and be in touch with your practitioner.
As long as there is someone willing to take the time to take you seriously.
I wish you much strength in your further journey Heintje
Seems very recognisable to me.
Have adhd with bordi traits myself..and also had frequent bungling with ggz ..especially due to budget cuts ..and me treatment has been stopped..they can't do anything for me anymore.
But now have help from social workers who give me support..because the care institutions are no longer there for it...tis austerity period and many clients are being treated out.
Kind Regards Heintje