Submitted life story of Bas
My relationships and divorce
Some years back I got divorced after 15 years of relationship. No children thankfully, went for it but did not succeed. During the relationship, she found new flesh and attention more attractive than fighting for each other. What did I have to offer her... Trust... Yes ..love too.... After years of struggling with her health, self-assurance, self-esteem and finally surviving from a very serious cyst operation, she decided, after a simple life on the couch, to spread her wings and choose her own freedom.
Ok that was a hard blow, but quite understandable in hindsight.
I went via a bachelor party of a friend of my brother's, to jump into my new life with a parachute at Texel.
That same evening, I ran into two hopping babes, one of whom I got in touch with at the end of the evening. I knew t had to happen... I had to kiss her... And then we'll see. T succeeded too... Despite knowing that t was going to work I was still surprised. Especially when, after a push from my brother, I spent the night with her. Being with another woman was strange, but felt good.
After doubts on both sides, we persevered anyway.
We went after meeting in May, divorcing in September, living together in November. Quite quickly all, but t felt right. However, here too there was uncertainty in her about being 'me'. Especially when our son came into the world a year later.
Postnatal mess and allergies did not do her or the relationship much good. I stood at t window peering in, knowing that that moment, "of father looking through window from a distance at his child", would become my future. That thought chopped into me, but I pushed it away.... I don't want that... And I fought again and I once again did my utmost to be of service to the other person to make them happier.
After moving to the coast in Aug, our baby daughter was born, again with all the mental mess attached. Soon after, her 13-year-old nephew came from a broken family with the misery; alcohol and other addictive junk.
The kid had ADD. His father ... The brother of ... had ADHD.
It was striking with the kid that he and I had a lot in common, to my mind. In the end, his aunt couldn't take it anymore, was also tough.
That wasn't down to t kid by the way.
Not to me either - afterwards.
She couldn't handle t.
She fought with herself.
Everything she struggled with had an external cause.
It was because of t house, because of me, because of others, because of other things, the weather, the road, the car, her shoes and also her father but also mine and especially my mother's too... No not hers. Psychologists had a hard time, if you got too close to her own failure, she was done with you.
Eventually a psych found out I could have ADD....
She put it to me....
A world opened up for me.....
Times were falling into place.
But then came t.....
Everything was my fault.....
See you see you see....
There is nothing you can do about it.
That's because of your shortcomings.
.... You have ADD...
I have HSP She said proudly...
I feel everything unerringly....
I felt myself plunging from a confident man to an insecure little boy.....
Books were brought in about how tough t is to live with an ADD'er and I was constantly pointed out the negative characteristics of ADD......
I was doomed... Lost ...retarded and a nothing....
At least that's how it came across to me....
No I was good...reliable and above all honest too pure yes.
I was creative.... Handy and definitely not retarded...
Yes dyslexia and dyscalculia is present
AND OK... I couldn't do magic. (Still don't)
But I already knew t.
I know things in advance.
She did not knock.
And still not.
She still doesn't realise it either.
I am divorced, again .... But now with children.
She found her love last year, she says, I think t played longer.
He, a mutual friend, lives 200km away. My kids, after keeping a secret from me for a while, finally get to tell me their secret..... "We are moving to ..." there so... 200km away! After final approval from me, t ..... happens Too sad for words, but there was nothing I could do about it... Not even according to my lawyer.
Even then, I knew that that relationship was doomed to fail....
And so more people around us....
We could have bet on it, one gave them 6mnds,
I gave them another 5yrs and some a yr.
Afin now after 3mnd she says she has moved in with her parents....
Again beyond me... Closer though!
Now I have been living in this latest colossal mess for a year with far too many headaches. At times, I cannot concentrate with what needs to be sorted out now.
I know who I am and what I can do and what I can think about.
I have ADD and also HSP,
I am immensely handy,
I can move mountains and endure misery,
I have strength in myself,
but get quite depressed by this mess at times.
I see things (ADD) I feel things (HSP)
I am me and I am neither more nor less than anyone else!