Received life story of a Highly sensitive High sensation seeking lady
Living as an HSP and HSS person
For a long time, I have been thinking about sharing my experience as a woman who has been an HSP for as long as she has been alive. Either an Highly Sensitive Person. As a child, I was always busy in my ?own little world? A lot of reading, a lot by myself with a few close friends. I wrote poems expressing that I found the ?big world' scary and too challenging, that I was afraid of not doing well, that I preferred to stay a child rather than grow up. I was very shy, especially not wanting to draw attention to myself.
What helped a lot was that both my mother, sister and brother have and recognise the same characteristics. Being very sensitive, struggling to stand up to very dominant and influential people. We have all learned, in our own way, to hold our own and to develop so that we have a nice life, in which we can express ourselves and do justice to the people around us.
It also gave me a distorted view of reality; I grew up thinking everyone was so sensitive. How strange to learn that this was not the case.My father is not high-sensitive, but that did not cause any clashes, because my father and I were and are 4 hands in one.
The high school period was a pleasant learning experience, I learnt to trust my own ideas, and surrounded myself with similar peers. Even became class representative, and year representative in my first year of college.
My experiences in love were intense and very influential. My first 3 boyfriends suffocated me because they found someone else more fun and interesting anyway. My first 3 jobs resulted in redundancy. I had sold people apples for pears - according to these people - and I had to do a lot of soul-searching. It turned out that I appeared more confident than I really was. A difficult lesson and it has had its effects.
My shyness has now given way to self-confidence. Not that I am overflowing with it. Still, I dare to tell my story in front of large groups of people. Like when I returned from Paris at the age of 19 after working there as an au pair for several months. I told about it at the high school I had attended. Was a member of the alumni board and was asked for it. I was too excited to find it scary?
Typical of an HSP who is also an HSS (High Sensation Seeker) at the same time. Clearly, I have read and re-read Elaine Aaron's books. Every phase in your life makes you discover new things? Because how could I explain that, as an HSP, I also lived abroad a lot, that I attract a lot of turmoil (in jobs, relationships and just: in my life)
During therapy in 2005, my therapist gave me a book to borrow with the subtitle: What to do when the world overwhelms you? It made me feel hot and cold at the same time, such was how I experienced it, the world is overwhelming me, and where do I stand?( It is the book on HSP by Elaine Aron).
I learned to stand more in my power and that feels really good! I still don't always manage to achieve and maintain this way of ?being'. Especially with a husband-to-be and a son + 'loan daughters' with ADHD characteristics, I have to struggle to get, keep and protect my peace. Meanwhile, we have found a great way to do this. Husband and son go running together and I crawl on the couch with a book, a magazine or my coaching course (I'm going to become a life coach! Yes!). I also make sure I get enough exercise for myself; I regularly go to the sea when it gets too much.
My first marriage ended up being nothing. During the relationship which was very intense (especially on my part), I just gave and gave. I allowed myself to be completely sold out, because that was the way I was in a relationship: giving everything for the other person. Until this man too was fed up with me, he had taken advantage of what I had brought to the relationship. Of course we had beautiful times, but in the end it turned out that I still hadn't learned the life lesson I needed to learn: stand up for yourself, set your limits, be in your power, stay close to yourself, don't get overwhelmed, and also enjoy what the relationship has to offer and to teach you, not just what you can offer the other person! Also keep your eyes open for the other person, what does he want, what do you want , and find that middle ground where both are happy.
Girlfriends who also HSP characteristics have, understand me and I them. It adds a lot to my life to exchange experiences and tips.
Now I understand that ?HSP-ness? adds a lot to my life, the high sensitivity I would never want to miss. The intensity with which I live suits me (and my current brand-new husband!). I have learned not only to give, but also to receive, without blinking an eye.
Music gives my life a lot of positivity. It allows me to emphasise or arouse atmosphere and moods. Just like reading different books/literature. At work, I am an employee who often hears all the private stories of colleagues. I don't let that get to me anymore. Try to offer a listening ear, otherwise everyone walks his/her own path.
I am grateful to have found and taken a new opportunity to be happy in love again with my son, his adult daughters and my current partner. Somehow, everyone can get along, are happy with the extra family that is part of their lives.
Our wedding day has only just happened, it marks the start of the ?rest? of my life. I am looking forward to it!
A woman with HSP+HSS characteristics.
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