3 ADD'ers together in 1 house! (Life story Ellen)
Received life story from Ellen where the house is full of ADDs
3 Times ADD is not a recipe for success, that's a mess!
Boy. You'd have to turn 48 for that to hear that your ADD have. Bit with the H of Hip Hip too, because I can be terribly restless.
My morning starts with a big mug of coffee and please let me land in the day. Don't immediately ask me what we are having for dinner in the evening and don't tell me I still have to go to town to pick something up. Just write it sweetly softly on a note, okay? Then it won't scare me so much. I don't have a morning mood of my own, but you can take care of it, so to speak ;-)
Good. The day has begun. It is only when my stomach reports that I realise I need to eat breakfast.
Now I am also very sensitive and live with 2 almost grown-up children in a small house where it is always a mess.
With 3 ADD sufferers, you cannot come to the door unexpectedly here. So I just don't open when someone "drops by" unannounced. I can't switch from "me" to "visit" so quickly. From "silence" to "talking".
When the phone rings and someone wants to come over, panic sets in and, wide-eyed with adrenaline, we start rushing like mad to get the living room somewhat tidy. The ironed laundry is finally taken to the right rooms, but the cellar door is also open to throw in all the junk that has yet to be placed (where it then stays for about six weeks, because what you don't see isn't there eh?).
When the bell rings, the three of us are devastated, haha, but we don't want any whining about clutter.
We always lose everything, especially things we need on a daily basis. Keys, bus pass. Bag. Just those things that we really do have a fixed place for disappear as if Hans Klok himself is in charge here at home. Always "being-late" to the bus. Standing in the supermarket and forgetting your money, but then finally taking out all the empty jars. Then again, you did!
Around July, the bedroom Christmas decorations will once again go into the attic.
What I find difficult is that I cannot focus on daily things when something else is going on. If I have a toothache, I only have a toothache all day. The serious illness of a family member is always present in me. It presses on my heart, always, taking the place where other people's "structure" sits. With administration, I am always behind, and it seems like it is all written in Swahili. I lose concentration after 10 minutes. The plants look at me reproachfully hanging over the edge of their pots. I can almost see their tongues hanging over the edge: "Doooooooooooooooorst!" But they don't say anything, so I usually forget about them for far too long.
In shops, I cosily sing along with the background music. That's "really so embarrassing, mum". But it comes naturally. If I'm not paying attention, I also do a little dance because I'm not thinking at all about security cameras, staff or other customers. Sometimes I am just completely introverted and then these embarrassing things happen.
My motto in life is: "Go crazy, or else you will be!" and I carry that out on a daily basis.
I find my peace outside in nature, where I capture in photographs, with an eye for detail, everything that catches my attention.
And when I roll into my bed at night exhausted, I realise I haven't removed my make-up from my face. Shoot. Just like in the film, I lie in my nap with my eyes made up.
Ah.
There are worse things.
I curl up and fall asleep immediately.
Ellen
Do you want to comment on Ellen's life story? You can leave a comment at the bottom of the page.
Hey Ellen!
What a fun story to read, and very recognisable.
I also very much recognise myself in switching situations.
I've known for 1 month now that I have ADD. But it feels like nothing shocking to me, especially when I read stories like this.
Hi Ellen,
How wonderfully recognisable it all is. And how fun you write.
I grew up with a mother and 2 sisters, all four different forms of Ad(h)d. That with the Christmas stuff. And the always being late, and the thirsty plants, so recognisable.
I have been with my husband, a super adhdler, for 14 years. After years of running through the house like mad on Sunday mornings with rubbish that had to be cleared away because his parents came for coffee, we now have someone who cleans for us. We didn't get around to that because we always had to clean up first.
Our children are 6 and 3 and we already recognise a lot in them, son of 6 has more add traits, daughter of 3 is more like daddy.
We have had a hobby room for years only there is no room to hobby in because we can hardly get the door open from the things that still need to be cleared.
What we especially say to each other from time to time, instead of had we done this earlier, we're doing it now anyway, which is nice. And if I am interrupted for the ten thousand millionth time by husband or mother, I shout, do you have adhd or something! And if I forget another appointment it's shouted at me. And we laugh about it.
Because it is so cosy when everyone is at the table with their own hyperfocus doing crafts/painting/reading/knitting/drawing/playing games/puzzles (preferably several things at once). And the radio is on and we suddenly have to dance and the dog joins in with the singing.
Dear Ellen,
You make me happy with your life story. You make me laugh myself in a positive sense. Your life story is so recognisable. I don't have 2 children with ADD, but what is not can still come, I always say. So currently I only have to deal with myself, but I even have my hands or should I rather say my head full of that ?
In short, I am happy to have a namesake as well as a life companion with the same wonderful energy ?
Greetings Ellen
Ha Ellen, how wonderfully written! I am completely in awe of your statements. So I wrote over a few of them, because they capture so well how it works in a head with ad(h)d. So recognisable and hilarious!
Nice to see it worded like that, too. Gives me clarity and insight into how it works with me too.
I would also often prefer not to open the door to unexpected visitors. I also struggle to switch (how you put it so nicely) from 'me' to visit, from silence to talking.
I often freeze then and open anyway because the mode: "task" then comes on; there is a call so then you open.
Your piece helps me to understand myself better and put things into perspective, but above all to give myself more space, so that I take myself seriously and e.g. do NOT open up! ?
Greetings Astrid
Gosh what a recognition for me. I only discovered ADD HSP at the age of 54..unfortunately. When I still lived at home, my mother always let me get creative. That was my thing. And with twin sisters, I could expend my energy a bit, playing school with them or organising their children's parties. When I was 10 I even made clothes for them...although I often didn't get to the second of the bunch.... But as a toddler, I came home with all the weekly pieces there were to make in this project. While other kids came home with one piece of work. I loved it. Unfortunately, too little self-confidence to go to art school, pabo or fashion school, outside my city. And I ended up in a typing room...luckily we had to give our eyes a 15-minute break every hour, so I could replenish my dopemine by being creative with e.g. cutting colleagues' hair, copying someone, knitting jumpers and thinking about what I was going to make in the evening. Behind the sewing machine, painting, making jewellery. The latter was so great that sometimes I got up at 5 o'clock and jumped behind my fretsaw with new ideas. This creative thing actually went through my whole life. I think I've done everything... This also entails collecting stuff, to make things. Because it's better not to be empty-handed. So....then you know a bit, what's hidden in the boxes and under my bed and every empty corner in my house...?
But also have HSP and finally also come to a great recognition. Why, for example, I always see through people, who don't have the best interests of yourself or others. And just keep ignoring or denying in yourself. But you can then come home from a cold start. I still struggle with clearly expressing my boundaries. Then again, this has to do with a strict father...with a war trauma. When my father became manic dpressive with his retirement...I also became depressed...Now I understand. It came in like a bomb, from my father...at that time, my hormones were also running wild with my PMS, because I had suddenly stopped taking the pill and wanted to get pregnant. Had also miscarried very early on. Had only realised, I was having massive abdominal pain...well contractions. But anyway.
So around the age of 30, I went home rejected. I was also in a crisis because everything was coming at me..I wanted so much. Working, studying, children, fixing up the house.....and then pregnant....and self-making became a bit of a compulsion. Everything but everything had to be homemade and invented...this homemaking continued until my daughter was about 8...all the clothes she wore I had to make myself..and invent...and every morning her hair in buns..or you name it.
Sensing people, I was never really aware of that. What I did know was that I could always adapt very quickly.
With my husband, I only realise this now actually... I e.g. went into the weekend very happy and had all sorts of plans for it...but when the weekend was over...and my husband was in a gloomy mood...I would also have had a very rotten weekend, in which not much had been done. ...Well myself then I plunged into the creative.
That's how I have now ended up with a fusion of my talents shall I say....
I now make spiritual drawings and painting rings. I also often thought, that my hobby was collecting hobbies...?, because when I had one in minus fingers, I hopped to the next....
But this last one, I hope to do for a long time.
My story is somewhat similar to yours. But will be an ADD case? DoeiiPeet will try to put it somewhere else still
Wauwwww I think all women/mothers with adhd are the same!!! could have been my story too, I hate visitors and especially when it's unexpected!
Ellen, really THANK YOU for the smile you give me ? Better said: terrible the giggles I get from this. One and all recognisability. Just now in a period when I am annoyed with myself immoderately and occasionally look at my own reflection in a despondent and frustrated way, this piece of text from you comes as GOOD. Keep your head up ? (do I ?) thnx !!!
Hello Ellen
How clever of you to still be able to hold your own so much, strength.
So recognisable! It is only with me not only that I hate unexpected visitors (which my husband still does not understand), but also that I just hate visitors. Not because of who is coming, but just because someone is coming. Let me just mess around in the house (read: literally mess around, which my husband can't stand at all). I am so easily overstimulated, irritated, moodswings, stressed if anything is going to happen and no matter how I explain it he just doesn't get it. It may be a mess at your place (until someone wants to visit again), but you understand each other and that is sooooo important when you have AD(H)D!!!
Hey, I couldn't remember writing this piece!
;-)
How recognisable, think it's great that you can let things go. I still often get too frustrated about what I do or especially don't do. Now with therapy and medication I hope it will get a bit better, I did laugh about your situation too. Have lost friends because I don't invite them to visit and because the attention often came from 1 side, not mine.
Tried to explain, but if they don't understand, I'm done with it
Hello Ellen,
Just read your piece with my husband. We laughed at it, we marvelled it could have been our story from beginning to end!
Also here in the house 3 times ADD with the H of hieperdepiep is a mess! What a struggle it sometimes is to keep one's head above water in this society. Going to school again soon for an interview: concentration, paying attention, chattering in class will come up again... (I'm actually so done with that too...!)
But what a fun cosy mess we often have here too, with lots of humour and jokes!
All three have their own exceptional talent.
I am proud of my family, they will get there
Received final ADD diagnosis today, and I'm 50! Discovered in my son and consequently in me. (Didn't even know a year ago that this 'variant' of adhd existed) Both of us scored 99% in the test.
Finally an explanation for 40 years of struggle with myself. Everything I read about it is all recognition. Including your description about running around the house just before a visit, last messes behind the curtain, forgotten plants and medical expense claims from 1.5 years ago lying in wait. And I can laugh more about that now than before, thankfully!
Despite 40 years of struggle and frustration, also happy with the ADD that makes me who I am, without it I would have been someone else anyway. And I am quite nice.
Hi Ellen,
your story is fantastic I totally get it all those things I have too!
By the way, do you ever have that feeling of not being able to sleep at night because of all those thoughts and you go surfing the Internet? I have that now in the middle of the night, can't sleep and end up on the nicest websites. I'm 16, by the way, and I think it's such a pity there aren't sites like this for young people. Because they can be very useful when you're my age, because I sometimes have a hard time of it, because I also have autism, two for the price of one! You could almost create a website yourself (my idea, by the way, not take it over, maybe I'll do something with it in the future (someday if I have the time and don't forget.) You should write more stuff like this more often, by the way!
And now I have a long vehaal that shouldn't get any longer so....
Greetings from someone who always loses something.
Heey Simone, super idea to create your own website.Do it!
Weird?
"Normal people scare me!" ;-)
You have gained some clarity,and as much as I sometimes think, "What good is that mark? "yet it gives peace.Peace to know why you do what you do,can't do what you can't do, and feel what you feel.
Fine for understanding yourself and compassion.
Now you can indeed explain to others how you are put together,supported by therapy where you learn to put that in order.
I wish you happiness and understanding!
Greetings Ellen
Dear Ellen,
I think you are a very nice person! How super written you are! I laughed.....How very relatable! I don't let myself be labelled! It is what it is!
Love & Light, Yvonne
i too was told at 48 that i have add /borderline,your stories are so recognisable,and so good to read.i always thought i was weird,but after 6 months of therapy i have come out stronger,now know what is going on with me.have learnt a lot.and also now shared with family and friends.everything is much clearer now.why i am a quiet person,i don't have any peace and quiet.turned in on myself etc.with a daily schedule things are going a bit easier.but there shouldn't be any unexpected things,then i am completely out of my depth.for others quite difficult and incomprehensible,but well this is me and take me as i am
Haha, hilariously written!
This is sooo recognisable! :)
Thank you Natacha ;-)
Nicely recognisable! Only I don't have Adhd but my husband does. And probably my daughter and sonlove I am going to suspect. That hubby has adhd is, to say the least, 'very troublesome', but that the children are getting busier and busier worries me. Fortunately, we are all otherwise healthy, and we will try to solve things with enough humour. Very difficult though, as I'm super-organised and structured myself....Gonna be quite a challenge in the coming years...Perhaps a nice tip for other mothers, I've started reducing the children's sugar intake...fewer biscuits, no sweets and no 6 slices of bread with chocolate sprinkles topped with a cup of Fristi.....helps quite a bit, now I have to get the hubby to do it...(and myself too btw)
Dear Francien;
Typically,my youngest also "runs" on sprinkles ;-) and I start the day with a mole-sweet cup of coffee.
I think we are looking for some kind of "pep". Sugar is the quickest (and worst ;-) ) way.
The health food shop has had a good customer in me.Sugar-free biscuits and sweets.
No, the children don't like it.
Good luck!
Greetings Ellen
Hi Ellen,
Wow, it could have been my story really so recognisable! I've become a champion in making excuses because I've forgotten the children's dentist appointment again, plus I can't remember names and recognise faces: please don't dye your hair a different colour! I've solved this by saying hello to everyone in a friendly/enthusiastic way, one advantage of a bad memory is that you quickly forget the embarrassing moments! nice to hear from someone who wanders through the same maze as me and makes something beautiful out of it, thanks Ellen!
Greetings Annet
Dear Annet;
Oooooooh really? I have also spontaneously opened my book of excuses more often when the physio called: "Where are you? "or a bill from the dentist came in. It has already cost me a lot of money, anyway.
And yes,it is a maze.Above all, we should try to see the fun in that and not panic.
Get it on!
Greetings Ellen
hai Ellen, You indeed have a very nice way of writing. Reads nicely. - I was only diagnosed with ADD three years ago at the age of 52. Probably so late, because it is usually diagnosed in children and then they immediately look at the parents. And so I don't have children. When I was diagnosed, I thought : Yes Yes Yes Yes ! Because things finally fell into place. And I gained a little understanding for myself. I find your story very recognisable. Like: I don't have a morning mood but just like to wake up fully in my own rhythm. And when I hear that I will have visitors in an hour...then the overdue paperwork, advertising leaflets and newspapers and magazines are stashed in piles under the bed. And these sometimes stay there for weeks. And after working for 30 years, I have now been unemployed for a year. The whole structure is gone now. So I am now very busy using schedules to make a daily and weekly schedule to get some structure back into my life. (By trial and error) Furthermore, I do take medication. Methylphenidate. And furthermore, you are SO SO SO SO right. Don't wallow but fool yourself if necessary and so start singing out loud - or - look in the mirror and start laughing until you really laugh at yourself. How did you say that again? - Do something crazy every day because otherwise you will go crazy. Thank you for your recognisable story.
Yes Myriam: Go crazy,otherwise you will become one!
Really.
So much is asked of you,so much is expected. And you cannot meet the expectations all the time.Very bummed that you are unemployed.
Good luck finding something new!
Greetings Ellen
Hello Ellen,
With a 'smile' I read your story, and it is recognisable.....
Although I don't have ADD/ADHD myself, my 2 children and partner do, and as a perfectionist, I also often have to 'survive' in a house with 3 people who do.
It's not easy sometimes, even for them to live with someone like me, but anyway, I try to help them as best I can, and I manage reasonably well.
The trick for me is letting go.......it's not different sometimes.
And you know, sometimes I wish I had a bit of them too........ think they are more comfortable in their skin than I am!
But so nice to read the 'recognition'!
;-)
Hello Astrid;
My daughter had a boyfriend who couldn't stand clutter...well...you can understand that that was hell for me,because she would sometimes say, "He'll be along in a minute", and then I would start grumbling terribly and cleaning up.
I wouldn't be so sure that they are better off than you.Even for ADDers, the pressure is high.Always something on their mind.Always a to-do-list.Always losing something.And always forgetting something.
Letting go applies to you,but also to them.
It seems difficult to support each other but still hold each other's value.I think it's clever that you can do it.,but making good arrangements will definitely help.
Greetings Ellen
Huh huh, how wonderfully recognisable. I also had to laugh at what you said about unexpected visitors, very recognisable and also when we know we are going to have visitors, we will and we will..... and then about an hour beforehand we go crazy trying to get the house "visitor proof". The cupboards, including that cupboard under the sink then stay closed!!! What is sometimes tricky but I have accepted and what I have to be mindful of is that I need a lot of "me-time" to think things through, sometimes think way too hard or think ahead etc. etc. My son has ADHD and is on medication for this, I was diagnosed with ADD years ago, had a coach for this (from pgb) and now do it on my own. I now know myself well, my weaknesses and strengths, and try to take these into account.
You could write a book so nicely you write!
:)
Hi Thea;
Am working on a book!Really!
Haha.
You are a super team,your son and you.For sure.
Greetings Ellen
Haha how I laughed at your piece Ellen,I am fortunately only at home by myself, so I also have the chaos of 1 person. Especially the bit about dropping by unexpectedly is recognisable. My friends sometimes find that hard to understand. Carrying on in life with humour and fun while the bad things of life weigh on your soul.... You just have to be able to do it!
You only live 1 X then you better make the best of it. Thanks for your piece !
Hi Arjan;
Nice to read that there is laughter at my piece.That is also a necessity:If we cannot laugh at it we sour,right?
I made it my own because otherwise I become such a swell person who is always aware of the negative.
So ah...it MUST.Whether you can or not.Then pretend.
You know?The best way to put yourself on the wrong track when you are grumpy is to start singing loudly.That way your body thinks you are happy.That's what I have learned....
:-)
Greetings Ellen
how recognisable, not for the children but for myself. Never diagnosed, always thought I was a whiner with morning humour, but I can also get stuck in things and it just hammers on. Much recognition, regards Elise
A diagnosis,ah,I didn't need it that much.But nice to have it on paper.Nothing wrong with a morning mood right?
;-)
Greetings Ellen
Nice huh. ad(h)d.
Just a party it is.
With us 4 pieces myself included and two 'regulars' :)
Hoppaaaaaaaa 4 pieces is quartet.Did you win :-)
Good luck and have fun Renate;
Ellen
K love you just the way you are, and by all means stay that way!!! Read with a big smile.
Hihi,Willemien, maybe you think I am an Ellen you know? I don't know any Willemien, but your comment is very sweet.Thank you!
Ellen
So recognisable it made me smile ;-) Beautifully written from the heart!
Thank you Danielle :-)
Read your piece with a big smile of recognition. Also with pain in my heart, because I made the choice to use medication to structure our lives. Together with home counselling, this has helped me achieve much more structure for myself and my ADHD daughters aged 8 and 12. But it also costs me a lot of spontaneity (impulsivity) creativity and a lot of energy to keep everything on track. Despite this, I do keep singing in the shop and am just such a focused little person, lovely like this at breakfast haha!
Dear Vera;
Pleased to respond to the words "with pain in my heart". I feel so bad about that. Because you are sacrificing to get structure, do I understand you correctly? I respect your choice, because I know better than anyone about the turmoil and frenzy.But you can always quit again if you feel you have surrendered too much Vera, right?
If you choose to, that's fine,and come back to it, that's fine too.
Hugs!
Ellen
Hi Ellen,
How hard I had to laugh: a lot of recognition. Since our son's diagnosis, six months ago now, I too know that I have HOT. And also HSP with it: a fun package so to speak. But with us, it's never boring in any case!
Hang on and thanks for sharing.
Love,
Saskia
Hi Saskia;
It is quite a package deal,I find.ADD and HSP.I feel everything so intensely that I am really broken at night when I roll into my bed in mascara.
But it also yields wonderful conversations with strange fellow humans and those are still very nice presents.
Love terg!
Ellen
Hello Ellen,
Oeh how recognisable it all is, I too was diagnosed later in life. This following 2 children who, like their mother, were ADHD I thought it justified to my kids to have myself tested for it. (Fair enough, after all, it is hereditary).
Fortunately, it also has its positive sides, at least you understand your children. Always and everywhere there is a creative solution, if it goes left then it goes right. Never is life boring.
Disadvantage os that many people don't understand you and often judge you afterwards.
But oh look it on the bright Side of live, we are not alone these days.
Just keep on singing and dancing in the shop that's what I do too it also helps protect you from negative energy from others who just walk past you and soak up your energy because that sensitivity is no fun to have with your add. I too recognise that.
Be Happy
Greetings Eveline
Hi Eveline;
Well, I never thought I would have ADD either.It wasn't until the diagnoses for the children came along and I took an internet test on myself that I thought, "Oooooh.Me too!"
What that HSP-As far as being there is concerned: extremely tiring. If one leaves here stressed out, I'm still sitting for hours doing a cool-down. But I can also laugh tremendously, thankfully :-)
Greetings Ellen
What a nice woman you are. In the good sense. I laughed my ass off. When I was reading it. So incredibly funny how you wrote it. So incredibly recognisable. I followed the story along. As if I was in it myself.
Kind regards bianca
Haha Bianca;
What a lovely comment.Thank you and sweet greetings back :-)
Thank you for sharing your story! Soooo recognisable!!! .... most things then. Here also 3 ADD'ers in the house...or actually, our 3 children have been diagnosed, but I'm sure I have it too. Always losing everything, always chaos (especially in my head), always late...always rushing...unexpected things make me (often) stress out.
I must say I have benefited very much from LTO3. This gives me just that little bit of calm and I get along better with my ADDs, less easily irritated and I react much more calmly than if I don't take it (and yes, I do forget sometimes, especially after I recently had a flu and I was completely out of that rhythm).
I also find that difficult, finding a rhythm again, after holidays too, for example.
I also notice that my dogs have made me calm, I have to be calm with them, otherwise you can't train a dog...and that works very well. Besides, it is also very nice for our children to be around dogs, it calms them down and there is always a buddy for them nearby.
Hello Nathalie;
Unexpected things...foe...can be upset for hours, especially if it comes with stress, like looking for a bus ticket when you can almost hear the bus coming ;-)
I too am out of sorts when I am sick, so are the children, and then I have to come a long way to pick things up again. As soon as you are out of that dressing gown, you are seen as "full" again and treated as such.
Learned from it:From now on, I will also spend the latter days of the flu in pyamas!
Oh yes: Pets are TOP!
:-)
Greetings Ellen
Hi Ellen,
With us, it is not 3x ADD, but it is 2x ADD and 1x PDD-NOS, but even that is often a mess.
My son (almost 18) has long been known to have PDD-NOS, but my daughter (16) and I (40) recently found out that we have ADD.
Very recognisable what you have written here.
I have now also engaged help 3 weeks back for help with housekeeping, among other things, and we are busy working with my coach to apply for PGB for all 3 of us.
I also keep a weblog, where I try to post as many things as possible that concern me and the kids about all this.
Nice for later reading back again with a smile.
I just added it under the heading website.
Greetings Esther
Hi Esther;
Merci for your response. It's something isn't it? I was surprised when my GP asked: "Could you also have ADD?""Eeeeeh...nouuuuuuuuuu it's possible :-) "
I hope you succeed, a PGB, now that everything has changed it seems difficult to me to find the right way to the right help.I wish you success andne...we will keep laughing.Deal?
Greetings Ellen
Hi Jitske;
Thank you for your comment. How wonderful that you have a rock at home :-)
Following me? Um...this is just a little story about my life with ADD(-ers) . There will be no sequel.
Great that you responded and I wish you all the luck!
how wonderfully articulated!!!
Thank you Pieta :-)
Ha Ellen,
Like you, I too received that diagnosis later in life. Lovely, all those "aha" moments. Luckily, my husband acts as a rock: I consider myself lucky. But I'm going to follow you, your stories are soooooo recognisable!
Jitske
So Oooo recognisable, same here, also found out later in life. Also mess, no unannounced guests please, bank card? Key? Help!!! Water poor plants still hold up to my neglect. Schedules don't work for me. Humour abounds hehe, had to laugh at your story, I always sing along too. Daughter doesn't want to go to the shop together anymore. But she does it herself too. And blurt everything out.
Hey Eveline;
Indeed, I think we
A: To the cacti should
B: Mainly need to keep laughing at ourselves
and
C: Telling the children we are ashamed. "So embarrassed "Haha ;-)