Me and my life with ADHD | chaos, chaos, chaos!
I am a mother of two and 32 years old. I have a good job as a social worker, counselling families. As an outpatient worker, I am on the road a lot and in my car I always make some phone calls, look outside, and drive way too fast, park my car somewhere, get a parking ticket but when I arrive I am too late and have a fine. When someone tells me we have to turn right I always look at my writing hand. I am also happy with spell check on phones, computers etc.
My car is a mess, my workplace is a mess, my bag is a mess? During conversations, I regularly blurt something out; I am confrontational but do not judge. At the office, I talk a little here, a little there and my administration time also flies by. If meetings take too long, I get restless and start wobbling, have to go to the loo or want to get to the point! I don't like wasting my time.... I make a lot of jokes, am very quick and I am not easily talked down to! I am enthusiastic and have many interests, if something needs to be done, a training course, coaching a trainee, implementing a methodology, they come to me. I am always enthusiastic and know how to get things done. Sometimes I leave a whole coffee trail because I always spill and mess. Colleagues find me fun, driven and passionate and sometimes a bit crazy but definitely not boring. Clients find me reliable, funny, human, committed and honest. They accept my lateness and chaoticness because I discuss it. I go 100 no 1000 per cent for my families and they know it.
I also go for my friends, I need variety, need to be able to go crazy with people and have a good time, climbing into things and shitting on everything. I need to feel alive! So far, nothing wrong. These are bits of ADHD which I just knew belonged to me and I had deployed it as skills.
But so for six months now, I've known that I have ADHD and many pieces are falling into place....
Because since I have a family with two children, I have been running into my own chaos and over-stimulation. More and more and more and with some deaths added, I suddenly found myself at home overworked.
I live like a spear and experience my emotions intensely. I can feel terribly excited, down, soulful. But home was the place for me to land. To clean up the chaos around me and in my head? I don't clean up spot by spot but the whole house at once, everywhere and at once. I put on music and go with it, removing all stimuli to create chaos again from zero point. I do home the way it feels, I wake up when I want, go to sleep when I want, eat when I want. IK pound myself all over the garden, lose track of time and unwind. I have hundreds of ideas, some I start up and get totally absorbed in and some I release just as quickly.
But now that I have children, I have to follow their structure, they have no room for me to spend a whole day running around in the garden. And tidying up the whole house doesn't work so well either. Constantly there are things, stimuli, noises and others to consider. I get stuck I have to go to bed on time, get up on time, feed the children and that takes a lot of effort. Besides, I have my husband who I have to work with and who asks me what my plans are. *&^$* short-circuits because me head is too full. Still have to go to the shop, to the library, kids to school, call agencies, pay bills?
Well and so then you run into yourself and your own chaos and the other people around me against me. My daughter is also so busy, doesn't sit still, talks a lot and doesn't have the patience to listen, and reacts immediately to stimuli. A light gradually went on for me and during my overstrain I asked for an ADHD test and indeed everything fell into place.
Why structure is so important, why routine is so important, why making choices and taking knots is so important, how important lists for me, how important goals are to me because that's what I hold on to? Yes I still have a lot to do!!!
I am finally learning to cook, am still a fun and crazy person!
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